Late Night Goodbyes

4am

Turning off my alarm,

I was awake anyway.

How could I sleep,

With you in the bed?

Last night in town,

With you, with me.

Trying not to think,

About the future.

When, where, how,

Will I see you again?

Just this moment,

Feeling you next to me.

My body, your body,

Feels like one body.

I have to go,

We both feel it,

But neither will say it.

If we put it to voice,

Our world will shatter.

4:30am

Packing the last,

Finding a place for you.

Me, kneeling over my bag.

You curled up on the couch.

So focused on my bag,

I’m startled to see you watching.

This moment, that look,

It passes between us.

I’ve never felt this before,

But I know it.

It’s what I’ve wanted,

Searched for, waited for.

I want it,

Even more now;

Now that I can see it.

I don’t want to go,

But I don’t stop.

4:45am

The last hug,

Last kiss, last smile.

The last look,

And I’m gone; you’re gone.

This last moment,

I don’t hold onto it.

I hold onto that moment,

You on the couch,

Looking at me, looking at you.

The moment that passes,

Between our eyes,

Between our bodies, our spirits.

This is what I hold.

What I remember.

The thing I had given up,

Trying to find.

I found it.

It lasted only the briefest,

Almost non-existent moment,

But there was a lifetime,

A life long search,

Hidden inside.

5:45am

This is what I hold,

As I board the plane.