Don't Come Back Drunk

‘I might come back and stay here again tonight. I don’t know’, I said to the receptionist.

‘Don’t come back drunk again.’ she responded.

What the fuck did she mean by that?

Did she mean that she thought I was drunk last night? Because I wasn’t and she wasn’t even up at 5am when I did come back, so how the fuck could she have seen if I was drunk or not? Did she mean that I had over the past few months of my staying here occasionally, I had in fact been drunk more often than not while arriving back for the night? Did she mean that she didn’t want me to come back drunk like I did two nights ago and sleep in another room with the American girl I met earlier? She might have meant that since I’ve been sleeping with this receptionist on and off for a few months now and she probably thinks I fucked the girl. Which I didn’t. It was just drunken cuddling. Not for my lack of trying though… Did she mean to say that she knew about me coming back drunk last week and making out and almost having sex with one of the other receptionists? My friend did tell me that he saw them laughing together a couple days after that and having two girls that I’ve hooked up with laughing together about anything isn’t a good thing. I have no clue what she means. Probably should just ask her.

‘What do you mean by that? I wasn’t drunk last night!’ I reply trying to hide my defensiveness and failing.

‘What? Nothing. We’ll talk about it later.’

Nothing? How can we talk about nothing later? Apparently there is SOMETHING but maybe she doesn’t want to talk about it here because there are other staff members around. Or she wants to have a personal conversation about why I’m hooking up with other girls. No, it’s probably not that. I’m pretty sure that’s just an American thing.

She follows me outside while I leave. I’m thinking that we’ll have our ‘later’ conversation out in the courtyard before I leave. I like this because if it gets too awkward I can just bolt but if it’s not I can sit down and hang out for a bit. Outside I ask her why I can’t come back drunk tonight.

‘Don’t worry about it. We’ll talk about it later. It doesn’t matter right now.’

Jesus. You can’t say something like, ‘don’t be drunk tonight’ and not expect the person to want to know why they can’t be drunk. That’s just insane and cruel. I leave the hostel perplexed and racking my brain for a reason to why she would say it. I’m convinced that she knows about myself and the other receptionist and she’s pissed. Or maybe the staff collectively has decided that I have been coming back drunk too often and it’s time to warn me and then kick me out.

For a week or so I try talking to her about it but she keeps putting it off. Then finally she tells me but it takes her so long to put the words together that I think she’s forgotten all her English. Turns out, she’s just trying to find a way to say it without offending me. She thinks I have a drinking problem and then asks me if I use alcohol to take the place of my friends who are no longer in country with me. I tell her yes, of course I use alcohol to fill the friend sized hole in my heart. I can’t go through life in this country without them, so I drink myself to sleep every night. She then asks me if I’m an immoral person. Actually she asks me, ‘how much of you is immoral?’ What the fuck?!

‘How much of me is immoral? I don’t know. Maybe 15%.’ I say sarcastically. Again, she thinks I’m serious. I don’t know what to do with this girl. Yes my dear, I can tell you that exactly 15% of me is immoral. I don’t know. How the fuck am I supposed to answer that?

As we talk more she brings up, really she hints at it and I have to bring up, me sleeping in the other girls’ room. I don’t know if she cares or not, but apparently that is part of why she thinks I’m immoral. Also, apparently I proposed to the other receptionist the other night. Of course I did! How else was I supposed to get her to take her shirt off while she was working?!

Maybe I should stop coming back to the hostel drunk…at least for a little while.