‘I might come back and stay here again tonight. I don’t
know’, I said to the receptionist.
‘Don’t come back drunk again.’ she responded.
What the fuck did she mean by that?
Did she mean that she thought I was drunk last night?
Because I wasn’t and she wasn’t even up at 5am when I did come back, so how the
fuck could she have seen if I was drunk or not? Did she mean that I had over
the past few months of my staying here occasionally, I had in fact been drunk
more often than not while arriving back for the night? Did she mean that she
didn’t want me to come back drunk like I did two nights ago and sleep in
another room with the American girl I met earlier? She might have meant that
since I’ve been sleeping with this receptionist on and off for a few months now
and she probably thinks I fucked the girl. Which I didn’t. It was just drunken
cuddling. Not for my lack of trying though… Did she mean to say that she knew
about me coming back drunk last week and making out and almost having sex with
one of the other receptionists? My friend did tell me that he saw them laughing
together a couple days after that and having two girls that I’ve hooked up with
laughing together about anything isn’t a good thing. I have no clue what she
means. Probably should just ask her.
‘What do you mean by that? I wasn’t drunk last night!’ I
reply trying to hide my defensiveness and failing.
‘What? Nothing. We’ll talk about it later.’
Nothing? How can we talk about nothing later? Apparently
there is SOMETHING but maybe she doesn’t want to talk about it here because
there are other staff members around. Or she wants to have a personal
conversation about why I’m hooking up with other girls. No, it’s probably not
that. I’m pretty sure that’s just an American thing.
She follows me outside while I leave. I’m thinking that
we’ll have our ‘later’ conversation out in the courtyard before I leave. I like
this because if it gets too awkward I can just bolt but if it’s not I can sit
down and hang out for a bit. Outside I ask her why I can’t come back drunk
tonight.
‘Don’t worry about it. We’ll talk about it later. It doesn’t
matter right now.’
Jesus. You can’t say something like, ‘don’t be drunk
tonight’ and not expect the person to want to know why they can’t be drunk.
That’s just insane and cruel. I leave the hostel perplexed and racking my brain
for a reason to why she would say it. I’m convinced that she knows about myself
and the other receptionist and she’s pissed. Or maybe the staff collectively
has decided that I have been coming back drunk too often and it’s time to warn
me and then kick me out.
For a week or so I try talking to her about it but she keeps
putting it off. Then finally she tells me but it takes her so long to put the
words together that I think she’s forgotten all her English. Turns out, she’s
just trying to find a way to say it without offending me. She thinks I have a
drinking problem and then asks me if I use alcohol to take the place of my
friends who are no longer in country with me. I tell her yes, of course I use
alcohol to fill the friend sized hole in my heart. I can’t go through life in
this country without them, so I drink myself to sleep every night. She then
asks me if I’m an immoral person. Actually she asks me, ‘how much of you is
immoral?’ What the fuck?!
‘How much of me is immoral? I don’t know. Maybe 15%.’ I say
sarcastically. Again, she thinks I’m serious. I don’t know what to do with this
girl. Yes my dear, I can tell you that exactly 15% of me is immoral. I don’t
know. How the fuck am I supposed to answer that?
As we talk more she brings up, really she hints at it and I
have to bring up, me sleeping in the other girls’ room. I don’t know if she
cares or not, but apparently that is part of why she thinks I’m immoral. Also,
apparently I proposed to the other receptionist the other night. Of course I
did! How else was I supposed to get her to take her shirt off while she was
working?!
Maybe I should stop coming back to the hostel drunk…at least
for a little while.
